Friday, January 30, 2004
Here i am in lab. Accounts lecture ended early. Lecturer was lame.. Uh huh... Very lame... I'm so tired and sleepy.. Stayed up to do the cover letter and resume and now i'm still not done with it.. Sickening mann...I got class later at 10.. Haitz... Life's been hard..Uh huh... Been getting ma gastrics..Haha!For not eating properly...Haha! Ans dunno what to say.. Im always getting this pain and shivers at night. Made me feel different and not myself... Haiz... Wad a life.. Haha!
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 9:54:00 AM
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Thursday, January 29, 2004
A few questions tt i need to know,
How u could ever hurt me so.
I need to know what i've done wrong,
And how long it's been going on.
Was it tt i never paid enuf attention
Or did i not give enuf affection.
Not only will your answers keep me safe
But i'll know never to make the same mistake again.
You can tell me to my face,
Or even on the phone.
You can write it in a letter,
Either way i have to know.
Did i never treat you right?
Did i always start the fight?
Either way i'm going out of my mind,
All the answers to my questions,
I have to find.
Can u answer tt?To those specific people...
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 3:10:00 PM
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Yesterday was sway day for me. Seriously. I was down with bad luck yesterday. I dunno wad went wrong with me. Apparently i had NMM lab lesson yesterday. Ok,tt was cool.But i dunno why i saved my file and dunno where i put it and worse still my mind was totally blank when i wanted to retrieve it. I was like dunno how to go and retrieve the saved file. By the time i retrieved it and saved it in my zip disk it was already 4.Lecture time.I was late. Took the lift down.At first the lift went up to the 6th floor.At tt point of time,i shrieked. I left my zip disk in the damn lab. Pressed level 5,it went to 4 already.Pressed 4,it went to 3 already.DARN!The lift went all the way to the 1st floor.Argh! Luckily the disk was still in the lab and files were still in there. If not,i'd cry sia..It took me long to understand and do all tt.It'll take me ages to re-do the whole thang.And so i was late for lecture. Came in and sat only to realise i didn't have my notes. So i just sat there and do nothing and feel COLD. The lecture ended early. I haven't heated the chair enough,lecture ends. Damn!Haha!
Well...nothing much arh...Just tt aishah and i were both broke yesterday,and went to eat at 'kedai kopi'.Had chicken rice and i forced it all in my mouth.The rice the serve was like twice the amount of rice i eat for a meal. Imagine tt.Darn! By the time we went off,i was so full to even walk sia. Made me feel fat sia...
At home,did my accounts tutorials...Then wanted to do stats,then i got stuck at the first question,so i gave up. Then tried cracking the head to do my UIR & Commskills assignment and thought of how to do my NMM project. Well,did came up with a few ideas,but they were all NONSENSE.haha!So,there goes my time..
In school i chatted to mahmud and hajar..sorry hajar i had to leave in a rush...simply cos i was in a rush.haha!lecture...yah..i was late for tt.haha! Sorry yah..Well,cool it on life ok?And mahmud..haha!u dog....haha!
Ouhz...Now im chatting to mahmud,fairul,shahida and one more person who added me on the list and dun wanna tell me the name...haha!And i just realised it's 12.36 now..I'm meeting zawanah at 1pm...cool-cool...Anyways,it's cold here...To fairul who still haven't bathe...GO AND BATHE....or it's gonna rain heavier...Have mercy on me dude...I didn't use my sweater or jacket today...simply cos it's wet...been using it or the past few days and it got wet everyday..haha!so please....i'm out of sweater n jacket lah....hahaha....Peace outz everybody.....
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 12:39:00 PM
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Wednesday, January 28, 2004
To think that life is such a wonderful thing is amazing. But to not havig to go through the wonderful part of life is sickening. Dun u agree? It's funny when i can tell people to enjoy life and all when i can't tell myself tt. Simply PATHETIC. dunno why i can counsel people but not myself. Dunno why i can advice the most encouraging things to people but not myself. It always happens tt way dun u think? When people use to go through what you are going through u can tell them the sweetest and most encouraging words to lift themselves up,but when it's ur turn to face it,u can't do tt to urself. Funny yet stupid. Anywayz,i saw her at the int yesterday. I was all wet and cold and suddenly saw her face. Tsk..tsk.. Not tt i dun like it,but of all times to run into her and her frens,why the time when i'm all selekeh and wet and cold. Anyway,we had a chat,which wasn't tt good. Then off i went and all. Actually i dunno what to say arh. Im freezing cold here in scul.She's sick today.
So,my dear,rest well...take ur MEALS and MEDICINES. Dun make me sumbat things into ur mouth. And wipe those sadness away if u wanna remain cute. And have enough SLEEP.dun hog on net all day. U understand me u mangkuk?Okayz... Im too cold to carry on...
Hajar,know what? I miss u...Haha!Anywayz,u oso tc. Jgn marah² salu.Nanti dah tak cute. So remain cute and sweet. If not i'll have to sumbat ur mouth lak with sweets to make u sweet again. Menyusahkan ok.....
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 12:51:00 PM
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Tuesday, January 27, 2004
I picked this out from someone's blog. It's a nice song. I am dedicating it to whoever think they deserve this song. I dun wanna mention names,but u should know urself.
Right here waiting
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 9:58:00 AM
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Good morning people! I am not happy. Seriously. Not happy. I made her sad sia. How come i am so bad. My dear, not that i do not want to reply to ur messages,but i wasnt too well to entertain any sms-es. During stats i was like damn,seeing two of nearly everything. I felt so stuffy and like breathless. I was like damn, wad is wrong with me. Headache was damn bad. Felt like vomitting but nothing came out. Too bad. And so there i was in the lt feeling all drowsy. But i managed to control abit arh. Came to UIR,then i found the room cold. Damn those lt's. Skejap sejuk,skejap panas. That made me felt numb all over sia. Ok..enough of me yah.
Ok,now im bored.Haiz...If u get to dengar this song right,it's urs.U noe who u r.
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 9:56:00 AM
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Monday, January 26, 2004
I never did blamed him for all that. I never will blame him. I nither blame him nor u. I only blamed myself.Blamed myself for saying things that i didn't want to. I never did wanna say it. Im not trynna add sadness to u,but what about mine?My dark world. Everyone i know seems to be hurting themselves. Should i hurt mine too? I dunno. I have always spared a thought for you wherever i go. Yes,i do hate myself for not understanding u. I have tried,but never managed to do so. I always thought of ho u'd feel,but u never know.The song at ur blog,u dedicating it to me?Ha! I should be doin tt to u. Have always been doin it to u.
"i didnt mean to break ur hart,n now i'm all alone and it hurts so bad..."
I won't blame anyone for not being able to understand me. I'm the one who has trouble expressing and explaining myself. I keep all these feelings bottled up in me. And when the time comes when i can no longer hang on,everything comes out just like water flowing in the river.U changed?I though i was the one who changed. I thought i was the one getting more emotional?I thought i was the problematic one? Yes...U wanna add another happiness in ur lyf?Nobody's stopping u. Cos like i always said,it's ur life,it's ur happiness. U determine ur own happiness. Hey..dun go on ur knees.Wanna do it,do it in front of me. At least then i can lift u up,now u gotta lift urself up.So,do it in front of me. Prove it to me then. I dunno why but i seem to doubt people now. Even myself. I can't tell which is the truth nd which is a lie now.U myte wanna think abt this phrase...*[Wad will i do if i kant be wid u..tell me wer will i turn 2..Baby hu will i be??Nw dat we r apart,m i still in ur hart?..Baby y dun u c..Dat i need u here wid me..]*
My dearest Hajar,hey...I know it's hard for ya to contact me.Hard for us to keep in touch,so i wudn't mind ur absence wen i need someone. U are excusable.So dun worry. Just gimme a call at my hp if u want to. It's on 24 hours.U know tt dun u?Though we can't kep in contact much,never underestimate yoursel.Never ever do tt. As far as i am concerned,only i can underestimate myself.Tc always.
And t the dearest nadiah beside me. Sorry i wasn't in the mood today. I realised it was silence between us the whole time. I really ain't in the mood and in fact i dun wanna brood about spilt milk. Though some people say spilt milk boleh lap,it's not the same when it's matters of the heart. Hope ya understand. Tanx for stil bein there anyway.
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 1:27:00 PM
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Saturday, January 24, 2004
And so i was a FOOL to have behaved the way i did to u.Have you ever thought of why i couldn't seem to understad u at tt point of time?Did it ever occur to your mind of how i've felt?Did you spared a thought to know of my condition? I was at the worse state. U knew what Hajar had done to herself. And you knew i was in a dilemma. There i was trynna keep up to u and there u were not sparing a thought of my inner feelings? Is it tt hard for u to understand me? I made it clear days before and then u forgot all about it. At this point of tme i hate myself for saying what i said to u. Worse still for not giving u what u needed.Happiness.I never did keep u happy.No matter how hard i tried,i always fail. I am a failure. Failure in lyf. If only i really got hit the other day.Seriously,i felt pointless living here longer. With me having to suffer even more without medications,why should i go on?Why is this happening to me?WHY? i can't eat,i can't sleep,i can't do anything right though i try to. Haven't been eating properly. But i guess a meal a day is enough for me to survive.In fact,it was less than a meal. You were the reason i chose to live on,and now without you,i dun wanna go on. Is tt gonna make u happier? U dun have to fret.U got others to look up to. Others to make you happier than u were. But whom do i have?Besides u,i have noone to keep me smiling.Nadiah understood things,but not all. She doesn't know what exactly i am going thru. She gave me a few words,but gerl,it ain't werking out. As days pass by,things worsen between us. I feel dead gerl. DEAD since i did what i did. I could no longer tell myself. I no longer know myself. I can no longer smile.But my dearest, i am happy for you. Happy that you found someone who touched ur soul deeply. At least losing me now is not so bad.I'm sure u'll be able to take it.If u can't,at least i'm sure that someone else can give u the ability to do so.You won't leave me?I dunno what to comment on that. my confidence,dreams,desires are all gone with the spirits of mine that had died. My heart's crushed till i feel tt i no longer have 1.This is the biggest fight we've ever had and i dunno if it'll ever work out again.I tried giving in and makin it up to u,but i can't seemed to b able to do it this time round.Things tt happened keeps haunting me whenever i wanna make it up to u. U couldn't understand tt.Yes,i admit i am more emotional,bt u wudn't wanna know why.
Aishah,well.Aku akan ajar kau amcm nak uat ni benda biler free k.Aku ajar kau pelan2 k?
Hamz,sorry this took kinda long to reply.I noe tt pic is the dining in pic,but i dun remember taking a pic alone with u..Seriously,i dun.Yeah....
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 10:03:00 AM
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Wednesday, January 21, 2004
In school sitting beside nadiah in the darn lab... It's damn boring cos tutorial's been cancelled. And i only got to find out about it when i was just by the door. If only they had told me earlier,i could've gone elsewhere earlier.Anyways,im doing nothing now. Just blog hopping as well as updating this darn thing. Haha!I saw my pic at hamz friendster. Now it got me wondering when and where i took the pic with her. I mean,just the two of us. Weird. Cos i dun remember doing that. I really dun. Hamz, can u remind me of tt pic? Haha! I saw u and Fai yesterday.!!! Woohoo!! So hamz and fai, wen can meet up and have 'coffee'? Haha! I know hamz is already missing me.haha! Coolness....OK,im bored already. Saw hajar yesterday. She just made my day yesterday. It's nice to FINALLY hear her laughter and see her smile after so long... I was supposed to have class at 2.15pm yesterday,but ended up not going for it.Cos at 2.15pm i was still at bedok. And so i ended up going to Asrimah's place. Slacked awhile and then off to bedok interchange to meet Aishah. Went to LJS and i saw SUFI! He was with another girl sia. And that girl looks so minah-ish. No offence to all the minahs huh...But seriously she looks like one. And he has the cheek to tell me that day that he wasn't interested in looking for a girl. LAME! And then as i was eating with aishah,came in the guy who looked damn familiar. After a while only then aishah and i recgnised who he was. Izwan Ali. And everyone in there was going like goo-goo gaa-gaa.. What the hokey-pokey. He's still human isn't he? Anyways,'kuda' wasn't working yesterday,so i didn't meet him there.Too bad,how sad.Anyway, i realised this thang getting longer and longer.haha! So,i better log off. HANG LOOSE PEOPLE!
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 11:44:00 AM
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Tuesday, January 20, 2004
I am in school now. School is a bore.As usual. Darn those peepz. Yesterday i have weird peole sms-ing me. Very weird. Hamz sms-ed me,then Ridzman too. And also Shafiq. Hamz is happy that she got her hp back.But too bad my dear,i switched off my fon by then.Haha! Anyway,i'll try and sms ya one of these days yah.Prolly t night cos in the morning,both of us would be busy with school...ARGH!!! school ends at one tomorrow. Yikes! They call that half day? Saturday got make up lesson for UIR!!! 8-10...Dad made so much noise alreadY cos it's only the third day of CNY. And he was goin like,'ur teacher no family arh to celebrate CNY?'... Irritating to hear him nag all day. And so i was drenched yesterday. Drenched in the bloody heavy rain. But it was cool though. And cold too... Haha! Anyways,i'm bored.haha! Peace people!
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 11:43:00 AM
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Monday, January 19, 2004
It has been a VERY VERY long time since i last did this.i nearly forgot how to do this.haha!Anyway,life so far has been hard for me. I mean hard ok.But hey,no matter how hard or tough my life is,i still can put up a smile and laughte,though they are fake.But nobody knows. Despite my smile and laughter being very fake,people still smile and laugh to it.Amazing isn't it. Before i entered this thing i had soo much to say. But now that i'm at it i realised something. I couldn't say what i had wanted to say. I dunno y. Tts the only problem with me. I can't say out what wanted to say though i really want to say it. Geddit? Anyways,im burning my ass on this chair in school.t's gonna be slack day today. Had lecture at ten til eleven plus.Ended early today. It was econs lecture. next coming up at 2 is my accounts tutorial til 4. And at 4 i have another 2 hour break cos the business stats lecture is an online lecture today. At 6 i have my UIR lecture. LAME! I am crrently considering if i should go for it or not. It's just a one hour lecture dude. It's gonna be such a bore.Trust me. Nadiah went home.And so,what am i gonna do?I dunno.Perhaps i'll sit by the reservoir to ease my troubled mind. Throw all my worries into the reservoir,like real. Haha! My ass burning already,i'll catch up withcha some other time aightz?Peace Outz!~
crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 12:14:00 PM
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