x I would rather hurt myself x

Monday, January 30, 2006

I was saved by the 1 minute time difference between my comp and vbus... BI up and submitted.. Phew... I had trouble figuring out how to cut,cut and cut my words so as not to exceed 250 words..But u noe wad? it's still above 250...but i tried, and if i were to continue, i'd be late...Hmm... Now to focus on MP presentation and also POT...ergh...Been asking around what Yvonne meant, but none can come up with an easy definition for me...HELP??!!!

Anyway, went fishing today and i myself caught half baldi of fishes..Not those big one lah...Small ones as i was using a small rod... And the mata kail was so tiny..Got stuck to my pants so many times..Haha! But i had fun.. Was with the family.. Guess i really needed that... Time with the family..Been lacking so much of that..But well, had fun with them...And yah..when was the last time i fished? Ahakz!!!!! And because of that, kena sunburnt..But not tt bad lah..Hee... Got myself half wet as i had to walk through the waters to get to the fishing site and ya..Since i got no pants extra, i went back in kain sarong...Haha! Lucky i didn't take public transport...

Yalah..I dun like bathing in the sea,often frens would have to throw me in, so why should i bring extra pants..Never did i thought that i have to cross the sea water to get to the fishing site... And i was in slippers and i had a tough time... U noe wad it's like wen u have to drag ur slippers in deep water... Takut putus je... Wads worse, the slippers are not mine..Wahaha! Therefore, i was so afraid it would putus..And not forgetting, get lost..Yalah..Water so deep and u noe singapore waters are not see through kinda water...Haha!

I'm tired..Off to bed i guess...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 12:04:00 AM

L K J

crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 12:04:00 AM

L K J

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Before anything..This is not a continuation for phase 2..Not yet ya..

I am tired, but i can't bring myself to sleep anymore...Not anymore...I could jus now...
Haiz...I wonder...Y do u always do tt to me..?I noe u wana hear me before u sleep..I understand that, but can u not force me to sleep if u still wana talk to me?Haiz.... I duno lah...I duno wad to say lah..

I dint want to call u..I dunno y...i really dunno y...haits....i could have hurt u with my actions..im sorry..but i was hurt by wad u did...if i dint have to wake up at 3,i dun mind..but haiz...nvm..u might nt understand cos u dun have to do tt...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 12:56:00 AM

L K J

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Title: Hanya sekeping surat pengganti diri (Part 1)

I want you to know you're forgiven, enough of sorries. Abt wad happened, i hope you know i don't mind who you mix ard with. I don't control your life. it was just bad timing and all that leaving-me-behind soon got onto my nerves after so long

Beb, that was long ago. I still feel sorry for leaving you behind. And the second sentence, reflect back on phase 1, can i say it to u? Mebbe the whole paragraph i can say to u..I reallly do not mind with whom you mix ard with, just as long as you're comfortable with them,but it just was not the right timing.

When that happened, not talking to you and stuffs...It hurts so bad. I felt so lost and wasn't myself. Your absence, it felt awfully painfully. For once i was angry with you, at the same time, i don't want anything to happen to this friendship. At that point of time, i felt like i've totally lost you to another person. Guess i was deceiving myself when i thought i'm beter off on my own.

Can i also post all this back to u? U dun want anything to happen to the friendship, do u feel that way now? I thought i lost you to someone else too..Yelah, siapalah aku di sisi mu..Stranger?

Well, what's past let it just be the past...

23rd january will still remain as 23rd january....It will stay behind with that day too..No doubt that the pain is still there...

Title: Hanya sekeping surat pengganti diri; 7th March 2005 (Part 2)

Told me you're leaving, and i'm left wondering. What now? Already i felt so far in your life and you told me you're leving. Regrets filled my thoughts. Tears filled my eyes. What more can i do. I really don't know what to do. Whether or not silence will do us good. If we ever talked again, what would be the right words to say.

That was what i had thought before i met you today. Not the first few lines..But the last few..So,wadya think now? Will silence do us good? And what was the right words to say?

Lately,it's been so uncomfortable being around you. I don't know why i just can't be myself after what happened.

Do u still feel that way now? It's been a year, do you still feel uncomfortable ard me?Esp after what has happened...

Everything else can wait. My priority? Get things back to normal between us, but i really don't know where to start

Was that your first priority too days back?I also wanted too, but the pain overcomes the priority...Was still trying to fight through...Every word i typed in my sms to text to u, i erased them again..I dunno why...

I think i stop there for tonight..Will continue tml..My comp is lagging...Hiak..Hiak.. Involved personnel,please reply...Thank you...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 1:00:00 AM

L K J

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Im supposed to go to school..But looks like i dun feel like it..I duno..Mebbe cos i dunno how i want to face them..But i still want to fae them...I want to...I dun want wad was once so nice being washed away just like tt...Just cos of 1 thing... I dun want... How much i treasure u..A lot...Haiz...I dunno wad to say or do anymore...You refuse to look at me, what more talk...Well,mebbe i'll just let time pass by...yah..anyway..I just want to apologise to u if u feel that i have not been good enough...And i dun have to say anymore cos i've said it al to u yesterday...

I better start goin or will be late for school..

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 10:47:00 AM

L K J

Of all the days i knew you, today is the day i felt the worst. Although we had our ups and downs during those days back then. Today i felt like i lost it all..You and everybody else..I tried my best..Tried my best to meet all your demands..I tried...But i too was pressurised by others. I did try to put my personal affairs aside..I managed..Not that i didn't.. I tried to focus on what u all wanted me to, i did to the best i could. But i cannot put my whole mind and soul to it like how you could. I have other commitment too...It is equally important. More impt than this, for me..I can't afford to lose this and would then be considered to have wasted all the days that went by..And i dun want to forego all that you all have commited too...I dun want to drag you down..I really dun...I hate to do that..Not that i dun divide my time..I did...But you just never noticed..Never did notice at all...Haiz..But now i noe it's already too late to explain anything at all..You wouldn't have listened anyway right? Anger live in ur heart already..You wouldn't have listened... Furthermore, things has worsened already and you ought to still be angry at me... I am speechless..The look, the tone and the reaction hurt me so much..It shows ur anger so clearly.. Haiz...For many years, i thought you could understand me well...Undersand my situation, bt well..The person i expected to understand so much did not...Haiz..

You once said this to me.. "What happened to us lately?" And i told you i dunno...And today,i can't help but ponder on that qn..Kept asking tt qn to myself and i kept getting the same answwer...I couldn't find the right answer...What did i ever do wrong to u? In march 2005, we use to fear of losing each other,so tell me now...Is this the end of us? Just because of one thing?Just that?If so,tell me...! Dun keep me in the dark...If not, why are you giving me the cold shoulder..Already i am falling...With this happening,i am falling further...Haiz...........

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 1:05:00 AM

L K J

Saturday, January 21, 2006

When was the last time this thing got updated...Anyways, lots has happened these days..Many things was killing me..First it was BI,then it was people...Now, it's FYP n OB...2 projeks due on the same day but thank god not the same time.. OB due on monday morning n i have not done anything yet... I won't state down why..Let me myself know why..I dun wana hurt people anymore...I dun wana be blaming people or things..

Let them do wad they want to me.. Some think tt i think that 'sth' is not impt...But i duno why you can't understand my situation..I'm not like you..I have an extra burden to carry ard my head..Already there are so many things and you being demanding is not helping me at all..I dunno why you only think of yourself..For once,think of me..Ouh, i forgot ya..Who m i to u anyway..A fren..?I dunno...

People say that should divide my time...Am i not doin tt? Am i? I may look like I am not, but what do you know what i do when we are apart? Life hasn't been easy for me and people seem to be pushing me on things...Haiz..How i wish you understand..But wishes some times do not come true..A fren told me, why do you have frens like that? How can u take all the criticisms? And i told that fren of mine...I dun wana argue with frens..Let them do what they want to me...But please..Dun go over my limit of patience... And the fren of mine smiled as she seem to know what will happen if people go over my limit of patience...Tanx fren...

My love always told me to be patient...But,there's a limit to one's patience dear..Hmm...Where are you when i need you now??? I want you...I need you....Please come back to me...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

crappypwincess HaD a MoOd sWinG @ 9:03:00 PM

L K J